Parenting Tips 101: How to Love Your Child and Understanding the Way They Feel

First and foremost, don’t annoy. If parents would like to talk or spend time with their child, find out what they like. Many parents—to their detriment—love their child so much that they resort to constant pestering and excessive outward signs of a parental covering. Teens don’t like being pampered. We are finding our independent side, and appreciate it when others, especially parents, let us blossom in that regard. After a certain age, usually when one gets into High School, there is very little said parent can do in terms of molding and shaping their beloved child into that person they want them to be. Prior to this point, parents should do whatever it takes to effectuate the necessary changes in a child so as to make them more competent morally, spiritually, and rationally. But beyond this point the best parents can do is state their concerns plainly, and leave it to their child to discern between right and wrong. When you think about it, this is the end result anyways, because ultimately the child/teen will be completely independent and their idea of the afore stated right and wrong will undoubtedly prevail. Now let me stress again the fact that parents form the foundation of their child in all aspects of their character and have much to contribute; the take away message here being that although parents are vital to this process, in the end much of what parents would like to see in their child and many of the ideals they instill in them, are subject to reinterpretation by the child—this is only fair, as everyone has a right to their own opinion, whether or not that coincides with their family's opinion is irrelevent.

A few tips to maintain a healthy relationship with your teen:

1.       Give him/her space.  This is perhaps most important and hardest to do.  Because you love your children so much, it can be somewhat impossible for you to simply ignore your teen; but I submit to you, this is exactly what we need.  We need space to stretch, spread our wings, and fly.  Constantly micromanaging or even excessive interest in your child can result in a failed connection.  This is not to say that you should not interact with their child, but in so doing understand that there is a right and wrong time, and be willing to—if it is the latter—distance yourself from any sensitive topics that you might want to discuss with your child.

2.       Tell them you love them without over-embellishment.  You don’t want to tell your child you love them over and over again.  Chances are, if you do this, your child already knows you love them—trust me.  Failing to limit your oral reiteration of your love to your child can result in their misperceiving said emotional expressions as instances of babying or infantilization.  Remember, teens like to be treated as adults, full-grown and mentally matured peoples.  Of course, every now and then, a simple “I’m proud of you” or “you’re going to achieve great things in life” goes a long way.

3.        Show up unannounced.  A great way to support your child/teen is to participate in their extracurricular activities, and just for emphasis, doing so without being told when and where—that is, by just showing up.  You would be amazed at the effect this sort of a ploy has on a teen.  If they see that you really took the time to engage yourself in their life without their help or inquisitions as such, your love will be better portrayed than any card, speech, or monetary gift. 

4.       Hypocrisy is a killer.  You’re probably right, however.  Most teens are lazy.  Most teens are narcissistic.  But the best way to encourage your teen to help our around the house, is to do it first.  Most reasonable teens are willing to help, though what most parents misunderstand is that teens want to offer their help rather than being forced to provide it—this stems from the independent streak in teens.

5.       Little Susie and Little John are big now.  Quit talking to your grown teenage kid like a three year old.  The best way to get your child to act mature if they aren’t already is to treat them as if they were mature.  If they do something that you don’t agree with or cannot tolerate while they are living under your roof, tell them directly and without emotion.  If they continue to rebel, it is perhaps time to start taking things away.  For all other matters, consider your teen as an adult guest in your house and treat them with the utmost respect.  Even if your child does not reciprocate said professionalism, soon they will catch on and appreciate how you are treating them.